I am back. I am here. I am in San Diego, California attempting to pick up where I left off. I have returned to watching the sunsets from the beach, paddling around the water with dolphins, eating sushi, working as a physical therapist, laughing with friends, taking warm showers. I have departed from the amazing village of men, women, and children who are fighters and arrived back to the Western culture… I think this feeling is called “reverse culture shock”. Its no joke!
My acclimation back to the US has been more difficult that I had anticipated. Many have told me that the reverse shock is usually worse than the initial culture shock but I, for some reason, didn’t believe them. I have traveled since I was a child, spent quite some time in third world countries, been away from the US for months at a time and always had an easy time readjusting when I returned. This time… Not so much.
Reverse culture shock had included the following: social anxiety, stomach pain, forgetting how to properly follow traffic signals (stopping at a green light for 5 min), feeling helpless, and the desire to be jammed into an uncomfortably crowded taxi on my way to Kampala. I am missing what I thought I never would.
I am unsure if it is due to the relationships that I made in the village, the feeling of owing them something, the desire to continue what I had started, or the simple fact that I had gotten used to living the simple life but my return back was full of uncertainty and the feeling of being overwhelmed.
I feel pulled in two opposite directions. I have felt this way before but now it is compounded by 10. The two directions are as follows.
1. Since I was a young child I have always valued my family. I have felt beyond grateful for the structure that I have been brought up in, the love that I am constantly surrounded by, and the fun that we are able to share. I have always loved the deep roots that I come from and have been excited to create roots of my own. I get excited thinking of that grounded feeling and beginning to settle. Deep down I am a “home body” who loves to snuggle by the fire with those I love and a glass of wine.
Now on to the opposite direction…
2. A feeling that is growing stronger and stronger inside of me is the desire and need to reach out. I am realizing the importance of learning about all that is out there… Acknowledging that we share the same earth, many of the same desires, and enjoy love, laughter, and companionship. I understand that I have been part of a small percentage who have lived a life of luxury and want to reach out to the majority. I want to learn of other cultures, challenge myself and my body, and speak out for those without a voice! There is so much to learn and I don’t want to miss a lesson. Each person has a story, each country has a history, and each culture has something to believe in.
So where do I go from here?
As my blog says, the best thing I can do is be present. Take life day by day. Try not to get too ahead of myself yet never stop reaching for my goals. I believe (and hope) that there is a balance between direction 1 and 2. I do not know where I will be next year but I do know that by living day by day I will find a way there… Wherever “there” is.
So again, here I am. Slowly adjusting back to the time change, the organization, the instant gratification. I am happy, because there is no other way to live life. I am surrounded by beauty, nature, friends, and good music. I will continue to reach in both directions and take all of the lessons I have learned and continue to search for more lessons to be learn. I am here.
Although my life in Africa has come to an end (for now) I will attempt to continue to blog about the present life I am living.
thepresentlife 